We get calls from people who are separated and have a reasonably amicable co-parenting arrangement in place, but want to put it in writing for some reason. Maybe things are changing like one person is moving or perhaps they want to ‘future-proof’ the arrangement.
Actually, it’s quite easy to put turn your agreement into a parenting plan. All it needs is to be in writing and signed and dated by both parents.
Do I Need Mediation
Many people figure out arrangements without mediators or lawyers being involved at all. In many cases this is completely fine, actually. Mediation does offer some benefits though so it really depends on your situation.
Mediation can help to get a plan down in writing in a time-effective way. A good Family Mediator (also known as Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner) will bring the benefit of their experience to the discussions. Although they won’t make decisions for you, they can talk about what other families have done in similar situations and help to predict the kinds of things that can being a good Parenting Plan undone.
Working with a mediator also allows structure for the discussion so you deal with the future arrangements without risking the conversation drifting into unhelpful focus on past issues. Where conflict arises, obviously having a mediator there to facilitate can be helpful to get the discussion back on track. Some people also say that the ‘formality’ of going through mediation means that people have a higher level of respect for the agreements that are reached, as opposed to just something seen as casual and less serious.
However, it’s really up to you. You might like to try reaching an agreement directly first, then try mediation if that isn’t successful.
What should go in a Parenting Plan?
There aren’t any specific formats needed and the level of detail can be as general or specific as you need. It’s generally a good idea to mention the names and dates of birth of the children and the names of the parents making the plan.
Some people like to have a simple introduction like ‘we have reached the following agreements in the best interests of CHILDREN NAMES’. Some people like to have a time that the plan will be reviewed, or what you will do if you can’t resolve a disagreement (e.g. attempting mediation).
Then it’s a matter of what information you want to include. What are the regular arrangements for the kids seeing each parent? How does changeover happen? Don’t forget about holidays, and xmas, birthdays, father/mother’s day, extracurricular activities etc. Then how will you manage changes – is there an amount of notice you expect to be provided for changes etc.
It’s also a good idea to think about communicating as separated parents. Will you use sms and email, phone, or face to face? Will you let each other know if you plan a trip with the kids?
Updating the Parenting Plan
Your parenting plan can be updated any time you both agree on the changes. Whether the parenting plan was made in mediation or you just did it yourselves, you can write a new one any time. You can also just take the existing plan and make changes and initial if that’s easier.
Do I need court orders?
Remember that a parenting plan isn’t legally binding. It can be used at court if things go pear-shaped, but it isn’t enforceable. So whether you need a court order really depends on whether you want the document to be enforceable. This is something to speak with a lawyer about.
One thing to note is that, unfortunately, we have had a number of clients who end up spending thousands of dollars on lawyers fees who push them to get a court order. It seems that some lawyers lean towards applying for orders (with the associated fees) by default. In many cases though, people might not need it and they end up coming to mediation for a parenting plan to update the orders before long anyway. So make sure you thoroughly discuss with your lawyer exactly why they think you need an order, and what the process would be to resolve a disagreement if you have one or not.
Are there example Parenting Plans we can follow
Yes. This link has one of our favourite resources for separated parents, and it includes a good layout for Parenting Plan near the end.
Want more info?
Check out the Family Relationships site for some more in-depth info. It also includes information for other issues, such as if you’re concerned about safety etc.
If you’ve got questions, or if you do think mediation might be helpful in your situation, then feel free to give us a call.